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Those of you who know me probably understand my staunch disdain for overreaching, oversized government, and the overbearing, liberty killing, property squandering, mammoth library of unfathomable laws and regulations they invent.

That said, I believe that an exception to my small government stance, my repeal-and-simplify-law creed, is undoubtedly in order for the case that is currently at hand.

You see, my daughter is due to acquire, legally I add, a license to operate a motorized vehicle on the public highways and byways within and about our fine state. And I simply must put down my foot, and raise my voice in protest of this travesty of justice!

Yes, I’ve always hated the phrase “There oughtta be a law”, as it is grossly overstated. Well at this point in time, I say emphatically, “There oughtta be a law” against my daughter getting a license. Principle be damned, this is important. No, I say “There has gotta be a law”. (If I missed the existing statute, please comment below)

If ever there were a need to pen legislation beyond purview and consent of the governed, if ever there were a necessity for unconstitutional overstepping of powers separation by an unelected bureaucratic hack czar dictator to regulate a… thing, well, this is that thing. This issue cries out demanding justice!

It’s not like she hasn’t dutifully met all the prerequisites for eligibility in this privileged class. She has, and has logged many an hour at the wheel under the watchful and trained eyes of her Mom and me.

It’s just that, she is getting ready to… drive… by herself, out there, without me, without Mom, in the world, in a car, free. This just aint right, is it? I don’t care, I don’t like it.

I still respect liberty, mind you, as I have nary an issue with your kid getting out there, unsupervised, in command of a half-ton battering ram on wheels. Have at it! Just leave my kid out of it. I insist.

So, if you maintain an ounce of dignity, and you still hold true to the founding principles of this great nation, then now is the time for you to discard your virtue and join with me in the “Keep My Kid Off the Road Campaign”. This lawless initiative is imperative. Contact your Congressman, contact his Mother, contact the President, contact the military, contact the media, contact the United Nations, contact the DMV.

Hurry, before it’s too late. Let’s get this done together! I can’t wait to be able to say “Sorry, Hon, but it’s against the law for You to drive”.


Legal Disclaimer: Support for this movement in no way binds its author to any statutory ramification on implementation of said law should it be established as forthwith keeping his kid off the road.