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Just sitting here thinking how great it would be if somebody randomly reviewed the whole of my life, and then gave me the perfect idea as to what to do with the rest of my life.

Wouldn’t that be great?!

This somebody would see everything that I’ve ever done, every contribution I’ve made, every success small and great within my rucksack of jobs and hobbies and interests, every positive impression I’ve made at work or among family or friends, and see every great idea I ever had that I never wrote down.

This somebody would also see everything I’ve ever done wrong, every failure and error and blunder, every moment that I’d done someone wrong even when I didn’t realize it at the time, and see the dumbest ideas and thoughts that ever came to my mind or spewed from my mouth.

This is great!

Then, this somebody would randomly appear out of nowhere, absent any malice whatsoever, armed with every piece of data that is and ever was, of my heart and mind and hands, this somebody would extrapolate from my long life what exactly I am supposed to be when I grow up, after the fact, and tell me with prophetic hindsight that one thing that I was meant to do on earth that was mine alone to do.

Then I’d smack myself upside the head at the obviousness of what I’d struggled with since youth to figure out. I’d kick myself at the wasted (undisclosed) decades, which if you’ve ever seen someone try to kick themselves, I’d look ridiculous…

Time to get to work.

After this somebody schools me and takes their leave, I am left, aside from the elation at the new truth, I am left with the quick realization that this thing that I am to do, this thing that I’m made for and must make, will be an enormous undertaking. And that somebody didn’t provide the precise detail of my contribution, because then it wouldn’t be mine, of course.

So what did I need this somebody for, anyway? I mean, I’m going to do all the work, I’m the one that did all that I’ve done, I’m the one that built that database. Man, this somebody that I imagine randomly figuring it all out for me, can’t really be anybody but me, accompanied by maybe my God.

Yeah, that’ll be great when it happens, when me and maybe my God figure me all out, what I’m doing here, and I’m not waiting around for it. Best get to work, getting ready to really get to work.

This other somebody stuff… is a fairy tale. I thank God that such thoughts leave my mind as fast as they enter, leaving me much faster than I can think to write them down. And I pity those who cling to such fantasies, waiting on men, because there’s always another “this somebody” willing to take the advantage. Makes me wonder where those kind of ideas come from in the first place.

~tdv

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